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In a moment, I’m going to talk about finding common ground in a disagreement and I’ll use a recent political discussion as the root. I need to start with a blunt statement, though – sometimes finding common ground isn’t the answer. When people threaten equality and use unfounded negative images of others to spread messages of hate, it’s difficult to find common ground on specific issues. Instead, you should focus first on fighting inequality and changing hearts and minds to strive for unrestricted fairness.
A few nights ago, I found myself in a discussion with a good friend debating different sides of the same hot button political issue. We’ve known for a long time that we likely held opposing perspectives, but we’ve never really gotten into the details. Suffice to say, though, that general polarization of this issue would have us squarely on opposite sides of the fence.
The conversation lasted no more than 15 minutes, but it became clear that we actually agree on about ¾ of the solution. Even in the first few exchanges in the discussion it appeared that we would only reinforce the disagreement. However, with listening to one another in a respectful way we found the common ground. This could not have occurred without the mutual love and respect that existed before the conversation started.
If you’re in a disagreement with someone, and that respect doesn’t exist, you must solve that problem before you can do anything. Building that trust can’t happen overnight – good relationships take time. That’s why it’s important to always create a culture of respect, so that you can navigate the inevitable disagreements when they occur.
There are hundreds of ways to build trust-based relationships, but my favorite is through food. When you break bread with a group of people, the common ground naturally comes to the surface. There’s no problem too large for a messy plate of ribs.
If you want to improve the culture of a group you interact with, find a way to grow that trust and respect. The rest will naturally follow.
Photo by Nipanan Lifestyle on Unsplash
